New Baby, New Year, New Perspective

It’s been entirely too long since my last post. My goal when I began this blog was that I would post something at least once a week. Clearly, that hasn’t happened. However, I can say I have a great reason for my writing hiatus, and here he is.

Diego Thomas Cervantes Jr.

My only sister gave birth to this wonderful little man August 8^th and being the awesome big sister that I am ;)  I decided to fly down for the month so I could help out and of course spoil the crap out of my new little nephew. So, for almost an entire month I have been a doting aunt and a single momma to a very busy 14 month old, which allows for very little computer time. However, tonight I felt compelled to write, so here I am at 1:30 in the morning busting out a post that has been on my heart today.

**Warning** This is not a light-hearted update filled with adorable baby pictures that one might expect given recent events…I promise I will write one of “those” post once I have returned home and established some semblance of my normal routine.

This week, as my colleagues return to their classrooms and prepare for another school year, I have found myself having a bit of a pity party. While I am relieved to not have the stress and anxiety that comes with a new subject, new classroom, and new students I am also jealous. My Facebook thread is filled with pictures of classrooms all cleaned-up and decked out for a new year and I have no such accomplishments to share. My email is filled with welcome back letters and schedules detailing how my former colleagues will be spending the upcoming workdays. While they are reconnecting, chatting about their summers, and brainstorming awesome lesson plans over doughnuts and coffee I will be changing dirty diapers, washing dishes, and begging a toddler not to ride our dog or climb on the dining room table. Finally, I’m jealous of their paychecks! (I know this one probably makes some of you laugh out loud, especially fellow teachers who know that the last reason they teach is for the money.)

For the last year Dustin and I have been trying to figure out how we can move into a larger place. After the baby came our small, cozy condo turned into a toy cluttered, crowded little matchbox. We have managed to make it work by getting a storage unit, but paying money every month to store baby items, out of season clothes, and Christmas decorations seems crazy and counterintuitive. However, with a mortgage higher than our condo’s current market value (that’s right we bought at the height of the market) and no guaranteed income from me, a new, bigger house seems out of reach.

Then it happened, clarity came through Facebook. While trolling my newsfeed during breakfast (that’s right I’m a bad mom, I read Facebook at the breakfast table while my son plays with his pancakes) I came across the post of an old, high school friend announcing that her mother’s 15 year battle with cancer would soon be ending as hospice has been called in so that she can enjoy her final days at home surrounded by her loving family. This news really rocked me, because this family has seen so much pain and suffering at the hands of this horrible disease. My friend, not only had to watch her mother battle through doctor appointments and chemo through most of her teens and twenties, but she too received her own cancer diagnosis at the age of 27. We are the exact same age and we both have beautiful sons to raise, but while she is at home fighting cancer and saying goodbye to her mother I’m complaining because my house isn’t big enough. This is when I heard God saying “REALLY, ROBYN, GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!”

I’m sitting here wallowing in self-pitying and questioning God’s plan for my life because I don’t have exactly what I want, while others would give their right arm to be in my situation. I work for an awesome school district that allows me a leave of absence so I can test the waters and see if this stay-at-home mom thing is really for me. I have a wonderfully supportive husband who has been fortunate enough to maintain stable employment with a great company for the past seven years so we can afford for me to make this choice. And I have my health! I am so blessed, yet so ungrateful at times.

So, as many teachers and students are setting goals and making plans for this new school year, I want to set some goals and make some plans of my own, so that I can live this next year with purpose.

1. I will be more grateful. Every day I will acknowledge at least one thing that I am thankful for.
2. I will choose optimism over pessimism, greeting new challenges with the faith that I can and will overcome them with patience, perseverance, and prayer. 
3. I will take better care of this body and work on loving and accepting it and it’s flaws. This is the body I was given. It has allowed me to do so many wonderful things including bring a life into this world. The least I can do is accept the stretch marks and extra pounds as what they are, a badge of honor to remind me and all others what an amazing miracle my body was able to accomplish.
4. I will relish every moment I get to spend with my son and my husband, as we are never guaranteed tomorrow.
5. Finally, I will make a conscious effort to complain less, because it’s annoying, counterproductive, and nobody really cares. They have their own personal struggles to deal with.